Every year in December, I tweet about how much I love End of the Year lists. It’s a sign that I’m getting old and can’t come up with new material, but it also paints a picture that End of the Year lists are the only kind of lists I love. However, I contain multitudes. Second only to my love for End of the Year lists are my love for Most Anticipated lists. Lists that usually come out in early January and give a taste of what’s to come in the year ahead. That’s what this Crappy Countdown is. It’s a list of the upcoming entertainment (albums, books, movies, video games, TV shows) that I’m looking forward to the most this year. It also is a bit of a preview of what might be featured in future newsletters. Some of this stuff may end up being terrible. Some may even get pushed back to 2025. Either way, they each stir up an excitement in me that moves my bowels. 💩
If you feel like there were any glaring omissions, leave a comment or email whileyapoop@gmail.com. I’ll look forward to reading your submissions and maybe do something with them in a future issue…
Until then, let’s plunge!
Honorable Mentions 🪠
the just-missed-the-cuts
Abbott Elementary - Season 3 (TV Show)
Bleachers (Album)
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (Movie)
Hell’s Kitchen (Broadway Musical)
Hollow Knight: Silk Song (Video Game)
Horizon (Movie)
Metaphor: ReFantazio (Video Game)
Industry - Season 3 (TV Show)
Inside Out 2 (Movie)
Nosferatu (Movie)
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door (Video Game)
The Acolyte (TV Show)
Tigers Blood (Album)
Tyla (Album)
Wicked: Part 1 (Movie)
Plenty of good stuff on the list above. Many being sequels or new seasons of entertainment I love. If I had to put money on one of these to crack my End of the Year list, I might go with Metaphor: ReFantazio (the wildly ambitious RPG from the creators of Persona 3-5) or Wicked: Part 1 (the movie adaptation of the first musical I ever saw on Broadway). Both of them are very interesting and have the potential to be great, but just not enough to crack my arbitrary top 14.
The Good Shit 💩
the worthy
Dua Lipa’s Next Album (Album)
It’s hard to put an album on the list because there’s so much uncertainty when it comes to music. Is this the year that Frank Ocean returns or Rihanna drops R9? Probably not, but you never know this early in the year. So, as a placeholder for all albums that may or may not come come out in 2024, I submit Dua Lipa’s next album as the one I’m most anticipating. Dua feels posed for another massive year and to cement herself as this era's biggest pop star. I loved Future Nostalgia, jammed to “Dance the Night Away,” and think she has another hit with her latest single “Houdini.” 2024 will be the year of Dua.
The Bear - Season 3 (TV Show)
The Bear was my favorite show from last year, so it's a bit weird to have it so low on my most anticipated list. Maybe it’s just because I still feel stuffed (no food puns) satisfied by my Season 2 helping (whoops) that I’m not as excited for its return as other entertainment on this list. Not to mention, season 2 ended with the devastating moment between Claire and Carmy that I don’t know if I’m ready to return. 😭 Still, the streets are saying that production for the new season should start in early 2024 and we could see its release before the year is up. Whenever it drops, I know I’ll be ready to devour it (sorry again).
The Boys - Season 4 (TV Show)
The new season of The Boys slides in just ahead of The Bear, because it has been away just long enough (coming up on two years) for me to miss it a little more. I kind of surprisingly love this show. And I say surprisingly because I thought I would hate it and thought it would eventually lose me. But unlike many other super hero properties, it continues to grip me with its amazing cast and creative ways of expanding its universe. The teaser trailer hints that Homelander will be on one this season, an election will be featured (good timing), and that the show will be darker and grittier than ever. I couldn’t ask for more.
James (Book)
Full transparency, I wanted to get a book on here. I like reading. A book usually makes my end of the year list. But I definitely had to go hunting to include one. I scurried other Most Anticipated Books lists and landed on James by Percival Everett. Everett is the guy who wrote the book Erasure, which the new film, American Fiction, is based on. His upcoming book, James, is described as a re-imagining of Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, told from the enslaved Jim's point of view. As someone who loved reading the original and witnessing Huckleberry transform from ambivalent child to blasphemous child willing to go against the word of the lord because he sees Jim’s humanity, I am excited to read Everett’s take and see if he can add more to Jim’s character.
Gladiator 2 (Movie)
I don’t know much about this movie. But I do know it’ll feature Paul Mescal, Pedro Pascal, and Denzel Washington. Knowing that Ridley Scott will be playing with these pieces in his Gladiator universe is enough for me. I don’t need a trailer. I don’t need any stills. I don’t need a plot summary. I’m good. It’s a sequel to Gladiator. Ridley Scott returns. And the cast rules. I’m there.
The Great Shit 💩
the undeniable
Star Wars: Outlaws (Video Game)
Since The Last Jedi—I may one day share my takes about that movie in this newsletter—Star Wars as a property has been really hit or miss for me. I really liked Andor. I kind of hated Obi-Wan Kenobi. I had a lot of fun with Jedi: Fallen Order. I wish I had more fun with Ahsoka. And yet, I’m still very intrigued by the upcoming video game, Star Wars: Outlaws. This game is said to be the first open-world Star Wars game ever and has you playing as a gun-toting scoundrel rather than a lightsaber-wielding Jedi. That alone grabs my attention, but their gameplay walkthrough showed off beautiful graphics and gameplay that was so good that I couldn’t leave it off this most anticipated list.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith (TV Show)
To be honest, this show wasn’t on this list all of a week ago. I like Donald Glover and Maya Erskine, but I didn’t think they had the home-wrecking gravitas of Brad and Angelina. But then I saw the trailer and while I can’t say they’re the modern day Brad and Angelina, Donald and Maya do have on-screen chemistry. They do have sex appeal. They do look comfortable wielding a gun. And they do seem capable of making a show more fun, more action-packed, and more sexy than it has any right to. I’ll be watching.
Avatar: The Last Airbender (TV Show)
Will they get it right? That’s really the heart of my anticipation for this show. The 2010 movie was one of the most offensive movie experiences of my life, and I, to this day, believe M. Night Shyamalan only read the Wikipedia summary of the TV show and never actually watched it. So, the bar is pretty low for this live action adaptation, but the source material is so rich that there’s an opportunity to make the show truly special. An incredible episode with Jet. A revisiting episode with the Blue Spirit. A big budget season finale. It’s the potential of nailing those things that put it so high on this list.
EA Sports College Football (Video Game)
Did I just add this to the list less than 24 hours ago because I saw some person on Twitter announced it was being released on July 12? Yes. I absolutely adore this franchise. Countless hours of my life have been dedicated to its Dynasty mode and my never-ending quest to dominate the college football landscape. I can’t wait for it to consume my life again.
The Top Shit 💩
the best of the best
House of the Dragon - Season 2 (TV Show)
After the lackluster final two seasons of Game of Thrones, the first season of this prequel series proved that its world still had much to offer. It brought us back to Westeros and its political intrigue, but zeroed-in on a handful of families and upped the number of dragons. It led to some meaty political drama and epic dragon sequences that often left my jaw on the ground. This new season appears to be doubling down on that by losing the time jumpiness of season 1 (which I personally enjoyed) and grounding us in an epic battle for the Iron Throne. I’ll be watching the fight like its a sporting event. Go Blacks!
Mickey 17 (Movie)
I know. I know. It was announced last week that this movie was pulled from the 2024 release schedule, so it technically shouldn’t be on this list. But I had outlined this list before the news broke and wanted to at least show this movie some love. To be honest though, I know nothing about the plot of this movie, the tone of this movie, the look and feel of it, or really anything about it. All I know is that it’s Bong Joon Ho’s follow-up to Parasite and its stars Robert Pattinson… So, I’m SOLD! No idea when I’ll watch it, but if a movie can get delayed until 2025, maybe it can also get moved back to 2024. Let’s manifest.
Severance - Season 2 (TV Show)
There’s no date attached to Season 2 of Severance, but Apple recently tweeted a weird thing that could be interpreted as a hint that we’ll see it this year. At least, I hope. I liked season 1 a lot. The mysteries surrounding Lumon, the severance procedure, and the baby goats were all tantalizing. The cast was lovable from top to bottom. But it was the finale that took the show to rarefied air for me. That last 40 minutes was nothing but adrenaline pumping narcotics that couldn’t be turned away from and has me anticipating Season 2 ever since. I need another hit of this show. Please Apple, don’t let down.
Final Fantasy VII Rebirth (Video Game)
In the darkest days of the pandemic (April 2020), Final Fantasy VII Remake dropped and swept me from the locked down streets of New York and into the bustling metropolis of Midgard. I still remember booting the game up with a glass of wine and wanting to cry by how breathtaking the graphics were. And then I met Cloud and Tifa and Barret and Aerith and Jessie and Big and Wedge, and fell in love with each and every one of them. I don’t know how else to explain my love for that first game and my excitement for its upcoming sequel other than that. I really enjoyed the combat and found the overall story to be quite enjoyable. But I really loved the world and the characters who inhabited it, and they’re the reason I can’t wait to play Final Fantasy VII Rebirth.
Dune: Part Two (Movie)
I mean… Come on… This is Dune: Part Two we’re talking about. It’s number 1 followed by a sandworm-length trench before number 2 even gets to speak! The first one was the best looking, most engrossing fantasy/sci-fi movies since the original Lord of the Rings films and this one only looks to be better. Paul (Timothée Chalamet) and Chani (Zendaya) will get more screen time together. Austin Butler and Florence Pugh join the star-studded cast. And all the trailers look epic as anything I’ve ever seen... and I don’t think that’s hyperbole. This is going to be the epic movie event of the year. And normally, I would say “Let’s fucking go!” here to show my excitement and wrap everything up, but I kind of want to leave “Let’s fucking go!” in 2023… But this movie and the rest of the list have me so excited, I’ll grant myself this one-time mulligan…
Let’s fucking go!
Great reading material while I was on the john. I don’t play video games, but I’m interested in anything that’s fun to engage in as a spectator.
And for the love of all that is holy, may ATLA receive justice for that atrocity.
I’m going to have to check out The Bear! I keep hearing great things.